Right at the top, in one big paragraph, it says:
"Kevin, please forgive us, but we have just taken a closer look at your profile.What profile? The last time my husband filled out a profile was more than 10 years ago, for a place that would identify themselves if they were contacting him...
It turns out you're more special than any of us imagine! Did you know that you possess some very rare, hidden traits? In fact, there is a famous person (someone you would instantly recognize, he's on TV every night)We don't watch TV...
who possesses these same special, incredibly rare traits. ...It turns out that people who possess these same rare and often hidden traits that you do are some of the most famous and successful people on this planet!There are people on other planets?
Kevin, you are indeed blessed!I think he already knows that -- he brags to everyone about his family...
I know those around you don't know this yet,Excuse me, there is a reason I married him!
but they will! Down deep, you sense it, too. Right? I'm so excited for you!"Yeah. I bet you are! Flipping to the back of the letter, to see who it is from, I find a single name: John. How original! Okay. So I use a pen name too, and only a first name. No big deal, except I am not claiming to know you, have had previous interactions with you or know something wonderful about you.
So, back to the front page.
This is a personal letter just to you. Notice: this is not a mass mailing...Is that why your signature is computer generated, John?
Picking up the envelope, I see $ 0.374 for postage. Sure, it says first class, but that is a reduced rate...
There has existed for many years an exclusive association, a secret society, of some of the world's most famous and powerful people. These include renowned actors and musicians, leading scientists and intellectuals, self-made entrepreneurs and artists, millionaires, professional gamblers, Casanovas, statesmen. Many of these people you would instantly recognize.So, John, you are asking Kevin to join the Rockefellers? I really doubt James Hetfield or Bon Jovi subscribed to your secret society program... And we know more than a few 'self-made entrepreneurs, artists, and millionaires' -- should we go ask them about this? I mean, we have the letter as proof of how wonderful he is! Heck, he even knows a few actors and statesmen. Who should we ask first?
At this point I quit reading and began skimming. Seven more pages of non-information seem to follow, and then the kicker:
[ ] I, Kevin, feel that something astounding is about to happen in my life! The association has discovered me. I possess very special and rare traits. Because of these traits, the association is willing to accept my membership and send me their Greatest Kept Secrets that lead to enormous wealth, love and the most phenomenal personal abilities, absolutely free...After skimming through this amount of nonsense, all I could think was Wow John, you dare to insult my husband by insinuating he is part of an
Oh... I missed this before, but it explains so much (I'm sorry for insulting you before, John):
Although my lawyer will not let me reveal my name, many of you have watched my late-night television talk show. Today I live a lifestyle most people only dream about. I drive a $200,000 Mercedes and live in a magnificent $3 million mansion.Of course -- you can't tell us who you are, because of your lawyer! Forgive me, but I don't buy it... unless it is for the lawsuits you are trying to avoid, after sending out this letter. And 'magnificent $3 million mansion'? I've been in several $3 million homes. They're not that impressive -- at least not around here. Okay, so they are much nicer than my home, but for $3 million, they're not impressive.
The $15 - $50 million homes I've been in -- those are impressive. What's really impressive is owning several and not living in them.
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